Friendship is complicated when you live with bipolar disorder. One week I can feel like the life of the party full of energy and enthusiasm. The next week I become unreachable lost in a fog of depression. I have made deep fast connections in moments of hypomanic openness only to disappear into silence when my mood crashes. I have ghosted people I cared about not because I stopped loving them but because I could not keep up.

Riding the friendship rollercoaster of highs and lows

During hypomania I crave connection. I laugh without restraint. I start conversations that run late into the night. I believe I have found a soul mate in every new acquaintance. I send long messages and make spontaneous plans. I feel electric and alive. That intensity can draw people in. I have forged friendships in hours that took others years to build.

Then depression arrives. My energy evaporates. I withdraw. I cannot answer messages or return calls. I cancel plans because even getting out of bed feels impossible. I feel guilty and ashamed as my inbox fills with missed invitations and unanswered questions. I worry my friends will think I do not care. What I wish they understood is that my absence has nothing to do with them and everything to do with the weight inside me.

Learning to name my patterns and communicate early

The most powerful skill I have developed is naming what is happening before it becomes a crisis. When I sense myself sliding into a low phase I try to send a simple text. I write “I am in a low mood right now and may step back for a few days. I appreciate you and will check in as soon as I can.” It reminds my friends that my silence is temporary and not a reflection on them.

When I climb out of the darkness I do the same. I send a message that says “I know I disappeared. I missed you and I am coming back now.” Owning my part without excuses or walls of guilt helps me reconnect. It also gives friends permission to ask gently how they can support me rather than holding anger or confusion.

Setting boundaries to preserve my well being

Mania can make me say yes to every invitation even when I know I will burn out. I have learned that stable friendships require me to recognize who truly nourishes my health and who drains it. I have practiced saying no to plans that feel overwhelming and yes to quiet hangouts or phone calls when I need calm.

I have also learned to limit relationships that thrive on drama or competition. Friendship for me now is about mutual care not performance or excitement alone. Boundaries mean I protect my energy and give myself the chance to show up fully when it matters.

Treasure the friends who stay without fixing you

The friends who have stayed through my ups and downs are my greatest gift. They send memes during dark days and sit with my silence without resentment. They listen without trying to fix me or solve my problems. They remind me who I am when I forget.

Some of them check in once a week with a simple message that says “Thinking of you.” Others show up unannounced with tea and hugs. Their patience teaches me that real friendship is about presence more than words or grand gestures.

A closing thought on imperfect presence

If you are a friend of someone living with bipolar please know that we are not flaking on you. We are navigating an emotional terrain that shifts every day. We may not always be reliable in conventional ways but we long for connection more than we can often express.

And if you live with bipolar and feel that maintaining friendships is too hard please do not give up. The right people will meet you where you are. They may not understand every detail of your journey but they will be willing to learn. You deserve friends who accept you not in spite of your disorder but with your whole story in view.

Friendship with bipolar is not about perfection. It is about showing up however you can on any given day. You do not have to be at your best or at your most entertaining to be worthy of love. You just have to be real. That is more than enough.

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